Thank you for your mail - Forwards # 9

(Thanks to Basant Nagdev for sharing)

As we approach the end of another year - I want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery. 

I no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, or have the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel. 

I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels. 

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed....hmmmm 

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose. 

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years. 

I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom. 

I MUST ALSO SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about rat shit in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing. 

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. 

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die for the 1,387,258th time. 

I no longer have any money, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. 

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish. 

I can't have a drink in a bar because I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone. 

I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers. 

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. 

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. 

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. 

I no longer buy gas without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up. 

  

I no longer drink Pepsi or Fanta since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans. 

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer. 

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face... Disfiguring me for life. 

  

I no longer go to the movies because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down 

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. 

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fedex since they are actually Al Qaeda agents in disguise. And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.  

I no longer buy cookies from Neiman-Marcus since I now have their recipe. 

THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my ass. 

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up a Toonie dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over... 

I no longer drive my car because buying gas from some companies supports Al Qaeda, and buying gas from all the others supports South American dictators. 

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off. 

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician ... 

Oh, by the way..... 

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. 

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late. 

PS: I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.

INFORMATION EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW... Forwards # 8

INFORMATION   EVERYONE SHOULD   KNOW.........................
Blood  Clots / Stroke  - They Now Have a Fourth Indicator,  the  Tongue

STROKE:  Remember the 1st Three Letters.... S .  T.  R.

STROKE   IDENTIFICATION:

During  a BBQ, a friend  stumbled and took a little  fall - she assured  everyone that she was  fine (they offered to call   paramedics).  She said she had just tripped over a  brick because of her new shoes.

They  got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of   food. While she appeared a bit shaken up,  Ingrid  went about enjoying herself the  rest of the evening

Ingrid's  husband called later  telling everyone that  his wife had been taken to  the hospital -  (at 6:00  pm  Ingrid passed away.) She  had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. Had they known  how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps  Ingrid would be with  us today. Some don't  die. They end up in a helpless, hopeless  condition instead.

It   only takes a minute to read  this...
A   neurologist says that if he can get to a  stroke  victim within 3 hours he can  totally reverse the  effects of a  stroke...totally. He said  the trick  was getting a stroke recognized,   diagnosed, and then getting the patient   medically cared for within 3 hours, which  is  tough.

RECOGNIZING  A STROKE

The sense to remember the '3'  steps, S T R.

Read  and Learn!

Sometimes  symptoms of a  stroke are difficult to  identify. Unfortunately,  the lack of  awareness spells disaster. The  stroke  victim may suffer severe brain damage  when  people nearby fail to recognize the   symptoms of a stroke.

Now  doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke  by asking three  simple  questions:

S  *Ask   the individual to SMILE.
T  *Ask   the person to TALK and SPEAK  A SIMPLE SENTENCE  (Coherently - i.e. It is  sunny out  today.)
R  *Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.

If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of  these  tasks, call emergency number  immediately  and describe the  symptoms to the  dispatcher.

New   Sign of a Stroke -------- Stick out Your  Tongue
NOTE:   Another 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask  the  person to 'stick' out his tongue.. If  the tongue  is 'crooked', if it goes to one  side or the  other,   that  is  also an indication of a   stroke.
A   cardiologist says if everyone who gets  this  e-mail sends it to 10 people; you can  bet that  at least one life will be saved.

(Contributed by: Basantlal Nagdev - basantlal2001@gmail.com)

Please give me feedback if you like such informative posts...

Saturday 9 - Just What I Needed

Just What I Needed

Welcome to Saturday: 9. What we've committed to our readers is that we will post 9 questions every Saturday. Sometimes the post will have a theme, and at other times the questions will be totally unrelated. Those weeks we do "random questions," so-to-speak. We encourage you to visit other participants posts and leave a comment. Because we don't have any rules, it is your choice. We hate rules. We love memes, however, and here is today's meme!


Saturday 9: Just What I Needed
1. Who was the last person who entered your life and was just what you needed?



Will give this to my wife.


2. What is one of your fondest childhood memories?

Roaming in the hot summer afternoons and throwing stones for getting fresh raw mangoes and tamarinds  from the trees


3. What would you like to be doing in 7 years?


At 71 - guess cooling my heels...


4. Tell us about a blogging pet peeve.


Finding the matter painfully long - taking ages to read.


5. Tell us about a general pet peeve.


Confronting a liar or a stubborn person.


6. For one day, who would you like to trade places with?

Sonia Gandhi.


7. Where is your least favorite place to be?


In the driver's seat in Delhi's traffic.


8. What do you like about fall?

The colours.


9. If you or someone you know are chronically late, do you believe it's the result of poor planning or choosing to be late?


Choosing to be late...


Thanks so much for joining us again at Saturday: 9. As always, feel free to come back, see who has participated and comment on their posts. In fact sometimes, if you want to read & comment on everyone's responses, you might want to check back again tomorrow. But it is not a rule. We haven’t any rules here. Join us on next Saturday for another version of Saturday: 9, "Just A Silly Meme on a Saturday!" Enjoy your weekend!


If you like to participate - copy paste the meme and put your own answers instead of mine in your blog - enjoy...

Street Flowers, London - Wordless Wednesday

These are some of the flowers (and the sights) that I see in my morning walk, in and around Streatham, London ...

(click any pic for high resolution enlargement)

I hope you enjoyed the walk and the beautiful sights...

FOR THE PEOPLE - Random Thoughts # 9

 

In my more than 3 score years of existence, I have visited 17 countries outside of India, for durations as less as one day to a maximum of 6 months at a stretch. My longest stays have been in the U.S. and the U.K. My first trip abroad was when I was 27 years of age.

A major difference of people and systems in other countries, vis-a-vis India is that there is concern for people that is evident everywhere – this seems to be lacking in India. Every little detail, little action of a person reflects this concern. Be it public transport – rail, buses, trams OR design of roads, pavements, pedestrian crossings, public toilets, doors, windows, doorways, latches, door knobs, handles; or the  facilities for drinking water…the list is endless and it can go on. The designs are user friendly and easy to handle. This concern permeates down to the attitude and behaviour of the individuals. Its a pleasure, not just to visit, but also to live in these countries. Concern for others makes better human beings and we desperately need to cultivate the basic courtesies.

The effort is always on how the care and concern for other humans can be improved. How the disabled, handicapped, blind or even deaf and dumb persons can vend their way around without having to depend on another individual always holding the hand and leading them. The big shopping malls, cinema hall, restaurants, buses and other public places – are equipped with ramps for being suitable for wheel chairs or mobility scooters. You will hardly find a public place where these cannot be used.

The poorest country that I have visited is Tanzania, much poorer than India (GDP of Tanzania is US$ 61 billion as compared to India's GDP of 3862 billion - for 2010, compiled by IMF). In spite of it not being in the list of the advanced nations, I felt the people there are far ahead of us in basic courtesies, manners and the like. The general cleanliness was far better than what I have ever observed in my motherland. Traffic was disciplined. Sign boards were readable and not pasted over by posters or vandalised. Even the domestic help was trustworthy and you could leave your household keys with him/her. A basic honesty of character is noticed world wide, except in India. 

I feel ashamed that my countrymen are incapable of even such simple things. We are unable to maintain cleanliness. In India when we sweep our home, the garbage is often dumped on the street. We cannot even provide dust bins. There is no concern for feeling for others, surroundings or the environment. To see beyond ourselves is the need of the hour. Then only we will inculcate care for the community, then the country and other countrymen – finally the other human beings. 

It may not have ever occurred to you, when two cars cross each other on a narrow road, signal of blinking the headlights means “I am waiting, please come through,” in ALL other countries except in India. In India it means - “YOU WAIT (SUCKER) I'M COMING THROUGH”.

Why do we have this arrogance? We were not like this. Our tehzeeb was “PAHLE AAP!!”. Where has it got lost in the years? Now we are a culture of “PAHLE MEIN!!!”.

When we use a public toilet, we do not seem to bother about the condition we leave it in. We expectorate in the wash basins. We never wipe the basin for the next user. We do not realise how it feels to someone entering a filthy loo. In Europe (specially in Switzerland) I noticed that the public toilets had instructions in Hindi, that we should not squat but sit on the seat, we should not throw other items like Sanitary Pads, Hand Tissues/Towels etc. in the WC - only toilet paper. Why in Hindi? It only means that we do not use the toilets with a concern for the next user. I feel ashamed to admit that we have been singled out for those instructions, because of our obnoxious behaviour in such places.

Have we become totally different from the rest of the world? Is our way of life at fault? Are our religious teachings not what it should be? As it is Hindu religion is considered a way of life. The gods we pray to and idolise are the ones that govern our morals, our righteousness, our customs and manners. Are we picking up a lot of undesirable traits from the gods we worship?

Lord Krishna has used deceit on more than one occasion. Surrender of Bhishma, killing of Jaidratha by Arjun, surrender of Drona by using the name of Ashwathama, the elephant; killing of Duryodhana by Bhim etc. etc.- have all been done by deceit. Thus use of deceit is justified. The Bhagwad Gita is considered our Bible. It tells us of the immortality of the soul or the atma. Our scriptures also tell us about karma and rebirth. All these tend to give us a fatalistic attitude and make us accept any situation deeming it as preordained. It absolves us of the responsibility of our actions. All this makes us very selfish. If I am deceitful – it cannot be helped – being preordained. This also kills the motivation for questioning and advancement. Thus, this becomes a dangerous combination – being fatalistic and justifying deceit, along with being selfish.

Lord Ram was a brave warrior but he was unable to trust and respect his wife. He was called a maryada purushottama; justifying his fulfillment of his moral obligations. Giving up his right to the throne (develops fatalistic attitude).

He makes fun of Surpanakha and then tells her to go to Lakshmana – who also makes fun of her. Then Lakshaman cuts off her nose to insult her proposition to him. Ram also insults womankind. Makes Sita do an agni-pariksha; also drives her out of their home as he still mistrusts her fidelity, that too at a time when she is carrying his children. Was it just to please his subjects (or the washer man who uttered some obscenities regarding her)? Is that a reason why we do not respect our women?

These are the characters that we try and emulate in our lives.

I shall always remember the The Gettysburg Address of  Abraham Lincoln of November 19, 1863, where he said "-- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth." He had the foresight and thinking, almost 150 years ago, that has made America the power that it is today. We are absolutely incorrigible and still refuse to learn anything even after the great fiasco of the Common Wealth Games; and to cap it all, the General Secretary of the Organizing Committee (Mr Lalit Bhanot) said  "..westerners have different standards..." trying to justify our failings. When a senior official of the country says such a thing in public - and gets away with justifications - where is the standing of the rest of the Indians!

Does that mean we cannot improve or change while following the religious philosophy's of Hinduism? I leave the answer of this to be analysed and decided by the readers themselves...

Forty Years - Episode - Chapter 4

Bismillah Khan

#If you have come here without reading Chapters 1 to 3 of the Episode - suggest you click here#


It was the 12th of October of the year 1970 – exactly forty years ago – Varsha and I got married in Delhi.

Varsha was staying at South Extension, New Delhi – and that is where the baraat had gone. It was a wedding without any religious ceremonies. Ours was a marriage under the Special Marriage Act 1954. The Marriage Officer was called to the residence and the oath, witnesses etc., was all done at home – it was possible to call the Marriage Officer to the wedding venue in the good old days. We had a couple of eminent personalities as our official witnesses, Mr RC Hoon – Chairman, CWPC and Mr Kartar Singh IAS – Secretary to the Government of India. There was no religious priest – though we had a shehnai vaadan by the famous Bismillah Khan at the entrance of the pandaal. The baraat was with the usual 'band' and the pandaal with usual lighting. Yours truly did not ride a mare - as was the common convention - but came in a Fiat car bedecked with marigold flowers. Sehra was also there, as my parents were still quite conventional and orthodox. After reciting the mandatory oaths and signing of the forms; garlands were exchanged; sindoor was put in the maang; mangal sutra was tied. Dowry was considered an obscene word. The ceremony was over. This was followed by a sumptuous dinner – non-vegetarian – which was also considered unusual for marriage ceremonies in Delhi, in the good old days.

I will be sharing the photos of the occasion – after I return back to India in a week's time.

Looking back – time has flown – the moving finger writes and moves on....

We are now grand parents – 3 grand children, two from my daughter (we are with her at the moment) and one grand daughter from my son. He and his family are in New Hampshire in the U. S.

We have had our ups and downs and battled them together. Have no regrets – life has treated us well and we have treated life well.

Suggest you also read Varsha's post for this occasion at http://varshanagpal.blogspot.com/2010/10/forty-years-of-time.html - that will complete the picture.

Incidentally – on my 60th birthday, ie., 29th of December, 2005; we got married once again at Gretna Green, UK. - which is historically well known for runaway marriages. We just happened to be passing through – with our children, their spouses and grand children (had only two at the time) and decided to do it on the spur of the moment; it is really an interesting and a historical venue – you must read more about it at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gretna_Green .

Remember that forty years ago – such weddings were rare and eye-openers for the society, yet we did it our way.

(A sequel to these 4 Chapters of "Episode" - suggest, click here to go to My Sixtieth Birthday - Gretna Green - Memories # 1)

Street Foods in London - Forward # 7

Kindly take it with a pinch of salt:

Street Foods in London

(contributed and authored by Praveen Bahl)

London is an absolute mecca for street food as can be found on any high street but you have to be aware of the strict protocol and etiquette regarding consuming this food. Deviate from my guidelines at your peril, so here goes:

MONDAY: It is always sandwiches on Mondays which must have been prepared on the previous Friday in Sandwich, Kent in giant food preparation areas by women wearing traditional white hats and pinnys which are rather like half skirts wrapped round the waist. Sandwiches are the aristocrat of street food having been invented by the Earl of Sandwich. They are always made with the whitest of bleached flour with at least 12 E number additives and the blandest of fillings such as processed cheese or egg and cress. They have to be made at least 3 days in advance for the bread to go stale and curl. The best place to buy it is in Tesco Express, Trafalgar Square who serve it in cardboard/plastic packaging to ensure hygiene.

TUESDAY: Londoners, who are so fond of Scottish food, buy from the very exclusive McDonald's based at Scotch Corner, Kensington (near Harrods). Mr Ronnie McDonald crossed the border at Hadrians Wall as he came up with an innovative idea to make use of stray cows often found wandering in the English countryside. The favourite item to eat is the hamburger which curiously does not contain any ham, so is suitable for vegans, and is considered to be highly nutritious as it meets 3x the recommended daily allowance of sugar, salt and fat. It also contributes to your 5 a day quota as it contains a slice of gherkin and wilting lettuce. This is served in purpose designed packaging designed by his now estranged sister Polly. Sadly Polly left the business after marrying Rick Styrene.

WEDNESDAY: Another favourite is chicken made to a secret recipe originally concocted by 4 * General Ken Tuckey. The good General scoured the British Empire and the Third World for the 11 herbs and spices which go into the secret recipe to make this such a nutritious low fat street fodder. Rumour has it that this delicious dish was originally designed to contain 19 herbs and spices but 8 had to be dropped after Britain broke off trade and diplomatic relations with the Second World after the disastrous global war which ended in 1945. Let me assure you that you will not be able to discern any difference especially if you go to their main branch in Poultry Street EC2R 8EJ.

THURSDAY: Though not strictly a London street food chips and curry sauce has nevertheless gained a stronghold in the more exclusive postcode areas of the city. Served in exquisite imported enamelware the dish comprises thrice cooked Maris Piper potatoes and topped with a curry sauce. The Chinese takeaway – Hukkasan in Hanway Place, London W1T 1LY is my favorite.

FRIDAY: It has to be fish and chips on Friday which sadly has become the least popular street food in London due to a declining Catholic population which forbids the eating of meat on Fridays. The decline of Catholicism is so serious that the Pope had to visit Britain recently in order to market and promote this faith amongst the local heathens, atheists and Labour Party supporters. The other reason for the decline is that traditionally this dish used to be served in newspapers (for environmental reasons and to save on washing up) and as you well know the newspaper industry has gone into a rapid decline in this country due to the free giveaway of iPads by the ConDem Coalition Government to everybody who can read – my understanding is that 207 have so far been given away and the non-availability of printed broadsheet produced from Norwegian spruce has ensured its terminal decline. I do not recommend that you try this street food.

SATURDAY: My special day of the week as it is doner keebab night! You can only fully appreciate this delicacy after imbibing 9 pints of cold over-carbonated lager in your local pub. This culinary delight, the king of street food (or should that be the Maharajah of Boulevard food) must never be eaten before the pubs close- my favourite time is between midnight and 2am served liberally with watered down chilli sauce which you must ensure dribbles down your favourite Paul Smith shirt in order to gain maximum street cred. Best place to buy and enjoy is Leicester Square.

SUNDAY: Never NEVER NEVER eat food on the street on a Sunday – it is against the law and I am not going to say any more on the matter.

One final bit of etiquette you must follow - NEVER NEVER completely finish any of the street food you buy. It is considered bad form, anti-NHS and it thwarts the creation of high tech and manual jobs. Let me elaborate. After consuming roughly two-thirds of your portion of street food you must carefully and artistically scatter it on the street to create your own street art. Your creative effort will be judged by remotely mounted and controlled CCTV cameras with the best endeavour awarded an Art in the Street Beautification Order (ASBO – second only to the OBE) by the local mayor. This hugely popular activity keeps an army of street cleaners in permanent employment and those who slip on the odd chip help sustain the NHS. As my final word I must implore you to follow my guidelines to the letter and sincerely hope that you are awarded an ASBO for your efforts!

Happy Eating!

Inner Peace - FORWARD # 6

Inner Peace....this is so true 
(thanks to Subhash T Ramani)
If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment ,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,  

  ...Then You Are Probably  The Family Dog!    

WHO SAID POETRY IS BORING! Forwards # 5

WHO  SAID POETRY IS BORING 

(thanks to Pratap Ganatra)

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION, ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:

1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:

Marrying you has screwed up my life.

2. I see your face when I am dreaming.

That's why I always wake up screaming.

3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;

This describes everything you are not.

4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,

But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.

5. I thought that I could love no other

-- that is until I met your brother...

6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.

But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's

empty and so is your head.

7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;

But don't take that paper bag off your face.

8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes

Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

9. My love, you take my breath away.

What have you stepped in to smell this way?

10. My feelings for you no words can tell,

Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'

11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?

Two parts vodka, one part lime.


Additional contributions:


1. Fifteen men on the dead man's chest, and yo ho ho and a bottle of rum,
My darling, my love, I love you so much; cause you got a figure of OLD MONK RUM.  (By Pratap Ganatra)

If you get anymore similar ideas - put it in the "comments" - shall add them acknowledging your contribution.

WHO SAID POETRY IS BORING!!!